Learning how to help your child socialize—whether age two, twenty-two, or ninety-two years old—is important! Although it seems easy to learn how to speak to other people, there are certain factors (beyond having a basic command of the language, of course!) that are important. For example, learning how to engage in a back-and-forth conversation is vital, as well as understanding more subtleties, like eye contact or gestures.
As a child learns these skills, how well he or she learns them will often determine what kind of social experiences they gain as time goes on. If a child is uncooperative and hard to talk to, other children won’t want to include them, and that can stifle their social development.
As parents and educators, it’s up to us to help our children with foundational skills that allow them to better go forward in their environment and get better access to it. You don’t have to raise a social butterfly, of course, but it is helpful properly structure that understanding for your little one! Here are a few tips:
1. Encourage Them To Ask Questions
Learning how to ask questions is a huge part of learning how to socialize. A young child may be used to just answering questions that are posed to them by adults, so they could get the idea that all conversation is a one-way street. A nice way to flip that is to help them understand that a conversation is a back and forth between two people.
You could try to prompt them by saying things like, “Why don’t you ask your friend what their favorite animal is?” or “Maybe you could ask your teacher about that.” This should show them to take a more active role in their conversations. It also has them feel capable to express curiosity about another person, which can really help them connect with others.
Better yet, when a child sees that their questions lead to interesting answers, they’ll want to do it more often.
2. Model Good Conversation
Children learn a lot from observing their parents and teachers, and this is certainly true for social skills. You can be a great role model for them just by having a good conversation with a friend or a neighbor while your child is listening. They’ll pick up on things like taking turn-taking, listening quietly when the other person is speaking, and showing genuine interest.
You might not realize it, but they’re watching how you greet people and say goodbye. They’re seeing how you navigate a disagreement or how you show empathy when someone is upset. They also notice if you say please and thank you while asking them to at other times.
You could even narrate what you’re doing, like saying, “I’m listening to what she has to say so I can understand better.” Children can be subconsciously helped by this kind of example. They may even adopt your talking style without realizing it. How we communicate is often inherited by more people than we know.
3. Help Them Read Social Cues
Learning to read social cues is a big part of social intelligence. If your child struggles to read them, it might be helpful to look into signs of neurodivergence or Autism, although these aren’t the only contributing factors. If a child has the capacity to understand a frown on their face or a change in their tone of voice, that helps.
A child might not automatically pick up on these things however, so it can be helpful to point them out gently. You could say something like, “Did you notice that your friend’s shoulders were a little droopy? I wonder if he’s feeling sad.” This helps a child connect feelings with body language. It’s also wise about the tone of voice. You could say, “He said it in a quiet voice, which might mean he’s a little shy.” This helps them be more aware. They might not stew on the lesson and try to come up with a spreadsheet of expressions to refer to, but it does help them become a little more attentive to mood.
4. Organize Playdates With Different Children
Having playdates is generally very nourishing for a child’s socializing outside of school. Bringing well-meaning and polite children for a playdate and dinner at your house is a great way to achieve that. Each child has a different personality, and each interaction can teach something new.
Cast a wide net too, as a child who is quiet might teach your child how to be a better listener, or a very energetic friend might teach them how to be more cooperative. Such normal exposure helps a child learn to adapt their social approach to different people. It can help them see that not everyone communicates or plays in the same way, and that’s totally fine.
5. Teach The Importance of Respect
Respect is a foundational social skill that all children should learn. Respect is about valuing others’ feelings and opinions, even if they’re different from their own. You could explain that respect means not interrupting when someone is talking, or being kind with your words. It’s also important to show them that respect is a two-way street and that they deserve to be treated with respect as well.
You could have a conversation about what it means to be a good friend and how respecting others is a big part of that. Teaching Kids What Respect Is and Why It’s Important – Begin is an excellent resource to help understand respect as the foundation for all other social skills. This can help them understand that everyone has value and that a good relationship is built on mutual kindness or regard, too. That kind of lesson can help carry them even up to and through their employment and adult life.
With this advice, we hope you can more easily help your child learn the foundations of good socializing.
Featured Image Credit: Michael Morse